Just discovered this:
SELECT * FROM OPENROWSET(BULK N'<PATH_TO_FILE>', SINGLE_CLOB) AS Contents
It’ll pull in the contents of the file as varchar(max). Replace SINGLE_CLOB with:
SINGLE_NCLOB for nvarchar(max)
SINGLE_BLOB for varbinary(max)
Thanks to http://www.mssqltips.com/sqlservertip/1643/using-openrowset-to-read-large-files-into-sql-server/ for this!